My Inner Pain

I’m Gay, and I was cut as an infant. My partner was left intact. We’ve not been intimate for a few years, but for other reasons. I also have that inferiority when I see an intact man. I feel like I obsess about it or that’s how I’m treated. I’ve never really found anyone who is supportive of how I feel. My partner says that he doesn’t understand what the big deal is for me. Luckily he said that he would never get cut. I used to panic any time he went to the doctor because I was afraid that they might con him into getting cut. When I tell him that he should be proud of being intact, he just said that it is what it is. Everywhere I express how I feel, how much mental anguish I have. It’s like having PTSD without remembering the exact event. Additionally, I recently found out that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which is caused by an Attachment Trauma. I firmly feel that the first attachment trauma that I had was being cut. Luckily, my French-Canadian therapist agreed. But it’s this awful self hatred and loathing, and I am restoring, but to me, it doesn’t take away the pain, it just reminds me of how flawed I now am. But normally, anyone I mention my feelings to either minimizes it or Gaslights me (makes it that I’m the one who’s wrong), which just deepens my self-loathing and also makes me feel more isolated. I truly hate being American, if only for this one reason. I’m sorry guys if my post is a real downer, but for me, it’s the truth, it’s my truth. 


Brutality of circumcision in boys – unseen psychological bruises

The Male Factor

Connections to sadomasochistic behavior & child-hood injuries has been noted in psychology. Common elements of S-M behavior & circumcision include pain, struggling, bondage, & a loosely, originally unwanted, associated sexual context.

Boys' circumcision During circumcision an infant’s eyes remain tightly closed. Infants tremble, cry vigorously, & in some cases become mildly cyanotic.

I do not wish to cause misery to other males by this article. This is strictly educational. This is regarding a sensitive subject, the realities of male genital mutilation, generally hidden & continued to be accepted.

A study by a cognitive psychologist from the University of Southern California & co-author of a paper featuring some of it’s findings in the Oct. 6, 2010 issue of the Journal Neuro Report found that when men under stress saw angry faces, they seemed to not want to engage. There’s that masculine rational fear deemed by mass society as “bad” or some kind…

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Male circumcision and male suicide, is there a link?

I can attest that for me this is absolutely true.


A paper on male circumcision and male suicide, written by Glen Poole of the Stop Male Suicide project, will be presented at the 14th International Symposium on Genital Autonomy this week. This article is published in memory of Jonathon Conte and includes some extracts from the talk, for the benefit ofthose who cannot attend the event.

On Monday May 9 2016, the prominent, American anti-circumcision campaigner, Jonathon Conte, died by suicide. As one of his fellow campaigners, Jonathan Friedman, wrote at the time:

“For those who knew him personally, he was a bright and friendly person. But on the inside, he was tormented by many things, and circumcision was near or at the top of this list of grievances.”

Most of us will be aware that there is a global drive to end the practice of, what used to be called, “female circumcision” and is now most commonly referred to…

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I’m still mourning

Was cut very tight as an infant. Growing up, erections were painful. Still feel betrayed by parents and don’t forgive them for their lack of remorse, but no longer blame them for their ignorance. Hate and do not trust the American medical establishment. Unless I know that my doctor is anti cutting, I don’t trust them. That basically means that I don’t trust doctors by default. I get nothing but grief from any who I confide my feelings in. I’m treated as if I have no right to feel the way that I do. My intact partner doesn’t understand why I feel the way that I do, he’s not even Sympathetic. My best friend can’t seem to stop defending my parents’ ignorance, basically saying that it was the times, even though she denies that argument. My therapist, who is French Canadian, was as Sympathetic as she could be, but even she doesn’t know how to help me. To her credit, she did help me realize that I’m mourning the loss of a part of myself. But she can’t seem to help me beyond that. She recommended that I seek help from guys of similar feelings like here. I just feel so broken. Even though it probably never entered their minds, I still feel like I wasn’t good enough for my parents the way that I was born, that it required them to alter my body and without my consent. I don’t have the courage to directly confront them with my feelings, honestly, I’m frightened of their response. I know that my family knows clearly how I feel, I post enough Intactivist posts, even making general comments condemning parents, but never specific enough to tag my parents or any member of my family. They just don’t care that they’ve destroyed my body image. What’s worse is that, even though my generation is blatantly refusing to cut their sons at record numbers (for Americans), the medical establishment maintains their support, even proselytizing their lies to other countries. It not only makes me hate my own body, and make me deliriously jealous of intact men, but makes me absolutely hate being American. Going so far as to refer to any intact American as the fortunate few with parents who aren’t downright brain dead. Furthermore, I refer to any man who is born in a nation where cutting is almost unheard of or even illegal, as worthy of near worship and profess my jealousy to them. Am I so horrible to be so self loathing, to even regard my whole nationality as something with no value other than shame? What’s brought even greater anguish to me is finding out that even though my partner is intact, that his brother was not left as such. So now, the in laws that I once regarded as of superior intelligence and insight, I almost feel betrayed by as well. What’s more is that now I regard my partner being intact as being far more precious and rare, and because of his lack of pride in his superior body, I feel even more need to protect his body. Even after him telling me that he would never have himself cut for any reason, I still feel uneasy. These are just some of what goes on in my head surrounding my loss. My mind is a cacophony of emotions.