My Inner Pain

I’m Gay, and I was cut as an infant. My partner was left intact. We’ve not been intimate for a few years, but for other reasons. I also have that inferiority when I see an intact man. I feel like I obsess about it or that’s how I’m treated. I’ve never really found anyone who is supportive of how I feel. My partner says that he doesn’t understand what the big deal is for me. Luckily he said that he would never get cut. I used to panic any time he went to the doctor because I was afraid that they might con him into getting cut. When I tell him that he should be proud of being intact, he just said that it is what it is. Everywhere I express how I feel, how much mental anguish I have. It’s like having PTSD without remembering the exact event. Additionally, I recently found out that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which is caused by an Attachment Trauma. I firmly feel that the first attachment trauma that I had was being cut. Luckily, my French-Canadian therapist agreed. But it’s this awful self hatred and loathing, and I am restoring, but to me, it doesn’t take away the pain, it just reminds me of how flawed I now am. But normally, anyone I mention my feelings to either minimizes it or Gaslights me (makes it that I’m the one who’s wrong), which just deepens my self-loathing and also makes me feel more isolated. I truly hate being American, if only for this one reason. I’m sorry guys if my post is a real downer, but for me, it’s the truth, it’s my truth. 

On Intactivism

I find myself torn. I am extremely passionate about the Intactivist cause, vehemently in support. But it’s troubling to me that my partner, who is intact, can’t seem to sympathize with my feelings. He doesn’t even have pride in being intact. Should that be another additional path for the movement, encouraging intact men to show pride in their fortune? And also to encourage the parents who leave their sons intact (not just those that are Intactivists) to have pride in their decision? Maybe we need to increase awareness, not just through education, but also through pride campaigns and forcing the conversation about it; make it something that is no longer a taboo to speak about, and shame those that refuse to allow the conversation. Maybe file legal charges against institutions who suppress this information as violating Freedom of Speech rights? Maybe file legal charges against the government for violating equal protection? And definitely to unify all the disparate Intactivist organizations into a unified front. It’s the same way that the LGBT movement started to gain traction. Maybe we should be taking pointers from the LGBT movement? Being gay was once a taboo topic to discuss, but that taboo is rapidly fading. But I also have an additional problem within. I get so upset at anything pro cutting that I can’t make myself even read most of the articles posted, it causes me too much rage and anxiety, and I’m not sure how to get over that. Another strategy we could also take is to stop allowing people to use the term Uncut and instead use the term Intact. If you consider the linguistics behind it, the term Un-cut implies that to be cut is the natural state, where as the term Intact is far more accurate. Uncut would be more accurate for someone restoring as they would be working to reverse their cut state. Thoughts?